Wednesday, 29 February 2012

A-Mah, Mo Giang, Mo Kong.

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012; 19:02
Location: Dong Nai, Vietnam
Why: A-Mah, rest in peace. You will find your way home to us.


A-mah, where do I begin? How do I tell you what you meant to me during your time alive? I sit in your room, look around and all I see is you. You are everywhere and now you are nowhere. Except down there. Or up there. I don't know where.

You didn't wait for me. I asked you to, remember? I said I'd get on that plane and be there in a few hours but you said 'No, granddaughter, finish your course'. Why? I was going to bring you those sour candies you requested.

A-mah, last night, we lit a trail of candles for you to come home at 7th Uncle's house. A-mah, don't be scared. You will find your way home. A-mah, I flooded your light with my tears. I am in pieces. I am heartbroken. I am silently going crazy with grief.

A-mah, you used to walk me to school. You fixed me butter and sugar sandwiches which had me wired for hours. You made me a peanut butter and jam sandwich every single day in fourth grade. I never got sick of them until one day I got a bleeding nose from eating it so much. Do you remember?

So many questions I still had to ask you. So many laughs I still wanted to share with you. Your toothy golden grin was one of the things I loved most about you. No one had ballin' gold teeth like you. You were definitely one of a kind.

A-mah, I miss you beyond belief:

A-mah, you hugged me when I had nightmares when we lived at apartment 305. A-mah, I still want to 'dup ew gwhat' for you. I'll even 'karate chop' your back the way you like it, dollar or no dollar.

A-mah, I'm sorry for all the times I was a brat to you. I'm sorry for all the times I thought I hated you. I never truly meant it. You were my A-mah, no matter what you said about me. I forgive you too.

A-mah, I watched your funeral last night. I am touched by the hundreds of people who paid their respects. You were that 14 year old girl from China who escaped to Vietnam and touched so many lives along the way. You leave a legacy of 32 grand children and 30+ great grand children. And that's only the blood part!

A-mah, I went to see A-Goong today. He misses you but was happy knowing me and Day came to see you and him. A-mah, I have never seen A-Goong cry before. He is an old man and I see now how much he loved you.

A-mah, you are a part of my identity. All of our identities. We are reminiscing about the way you were and boy has it warmed our hearts with laughter. You sure knew how to push everyone's buttons! A-mah, Dad got to spend the last 10 days with you, it was what you wanted.

A-mah, I won't say good bye to you. We are Chinese after all and we say 'Joiy geen'. So I will see you again, but not yet. I will Joiy geen nay.

2 comments:

  1. I never know what to say to someone who's grieving... but know that I'm sending a big hug that would say what needs to be said.

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  2. Thanks Austin! That means a lot to me (:

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