Thursday, 22nd March, 2012; 16:23
Location: Melaka Malaysia
Why: A-Mah, I miss you so much.
I have been back in Melaka nine days now and starting to get back to 'reality', sort of. A-Mah's passing affected me so much that I've been quietly paralyzed from within. I still can't think about her without tears brimming.
I don't know if sleeping in my new flat had me a little nervous but my first night there (last night), I had all kinds of wild dreams. Most I couldn't remember except they left me with a bewildered feeling.
But the most wild dream was seeing A-Mah again. She was walking toward me with both hands outreached and a huge smile on her face, gold teeth glistening in the light. I was a child again and hiding behind a stairwell. I remembered thinking this must be A-Mah's spirit because she's gone and when she touches me, I won't feel anything.
She came closer and I crept out from under the stairwell toward her, my hands reached outward. I touched her and she was real.
She was REAL.
My heart was thumping and ringing in my ears. I screamed out 'A-Mah! You're real. You're real' as tears rolled down my cheeks. She just smiled and laughed her hearty laugh I know so well. We walked a few paces before I shook myself awake in a bed full of sweat; my heart seeming to burst through my chest.
All was still in the early hours of the morning. Even the karaoke bar finally closed for the night so it was dead quiet. A chill swept through me as I imagined A-Mah's spirit, perhaps along with others. Perhaps in my presence. As the building creaked and settled, my eyes darted across the room, out the window and towards my door.
Nothing. Except for my wild imagination.
I hope the oncoming days will not be this intense. But if it means I get to see A-Mah again in my dreams, it is a decent trade off for as long as my heart can take it.
A-Mah, I miss you so much.